The First Night
by thisisberkk
Summary: It's the night after the fight with Grimmel, and Astrid can't sleep.


Astrid huffs and rolls over on her sleeping mat for what feels like the millionth time in the past half-hour.

She just can't settle her brain down. Her mind is racing a thousand miles per second, and she doesn't know how to get it to stop.

She's so tired; she's absolutely so exhausted, yet she can't seem to fall asleep. Even in her comfiest pajamas, wrapped up in warm furs, and with it being so late at night, she just can't go to sleep.

She rolls over onto her back and stares up at the ceiling of her tent.

Just a few hours ago, after migrating to a new island, and after a long, difficult battle with Grimmel, and after nearly sacrificing his life for Toothless, Hiccup made the brave yet difficult decision to let the dragons go. Let the dragons leave the Berkians' care to live in the Hidden World, where they can't be hurt or hunted by humans anymore. Where they can be safe and live in peace and harmony, without fear of dragon hunters and killers.

It was tough. Heart-wrenchingly tough. But it was what needed to be done. It was what was best for the dragons, even if it might not seem like the best decision for the Berkians.

Because it _is_ hard for them. They have lived with the dragons for six years, six whole years, and they've grown to love them and become bonded with them. They became inseparable – you couldn't have the Berkians without the dragons. And within the matter of minutes, they all basically had to give up their best friends in the entire world.

All for good reason, of course. All for the good of the dragons and their safety.

But that didn't make it any easier for the Vikings.

Astrid closes her eyes as the memory of Stormfly, her beloved Deadly Nadder, flying away with the rest of the dragons to the Hidden World fills her mind. Gods, she missed her so much. Her heart clenches at just the slightest thought of her. Her best friend in the entire world, gone. They might never see them again.

Astrid rolls over onto her left side.

And Toothless. Gods, that dragon, that useless reptile, changed everyone's lives. _Especially_ Hiccup's, of course. The memory of him giving such a sad, longing look at Hiccup before he followed the rest of the dragons just makes Astrid want to cry.

And she did cry, earlier that day. Everyone did.

It was the hardest decision Hiccup had ever made in his entire life. Even harder than when he made the decision to try to show the Vikings that dragons were not enemies. This was so much more difficult.

But he was putting the dragons first, and that's what he needed to do. He had been putting himself in front of their needs for a while, and he realized this was what was going to be safe for them. He couldn't let them live in fear any longer. They needed to be where they were always meant to be – in the Hidden World.

She wonders how Hiccup is doing right now.

Immediately after the dragons left, he left to be by himself. Any normal time, Astrid would've joined him to make sure he was okay and to talk through everything with him, but this time, she felt he needed his time to be alone.

The village proceeded like normal, or as _normal _it could be without the dragons. They went back to setting up their tents, figuring out where gardening patches were going to be, finding the best fishing posts, preparing food, and just…trying to get back to how things were supposed to be.

Just…without the dragons.

And Hiccup never came back to the village until later in the evening, when most people were going to sleep. Before Astrid could even go over to him, Hiccup hastily went into his tent (or as hastily as he could on his backup leg, which Hiccup now has to use until he makes a better one), and he never came back out.

Astrid turns over onto her right side.

She sees her parents on their sleeping mat, somehow fast asleep. They'd been asleep for a few hours, and Astrid has no idea how they managed to do that. She's been tossing and turning ever since she entered her sleeping mat.

Astrid sighs, feeling the urge to get up.

She pulls aside her furs and gets up from her sleeping mat. As quietly as she possibly could without waking her parents, Astrid exits their tent.

The fire that had been lit in the middle of what Astrid assumes is eventually going to be the town square is still partially lit from earlier in the evening, but the cold night air has cooled it down significantly. No one is out, which gives Astrid a sense of relief. If anyone saw where she was going right now, there would be no way for her and Hiccup to escape the rumors.

She wraps her arms around herself and makes her way to the tents on the outer area of the campsite they set up earlier. She spots Hiccup's tent, the dim light of a candle lighting up the inside, and rushes towards it, trying not to make a sound.

Running on adrenaline, she approaches and, taking a deep breath, pushes aside the flap that leads into the tent.

There, Hiccup is, sat up on his sleeping mat, turned away from the entrance to the tent. A candle is beside his mat, and Astrid can only assume he's looking in his journal or at the Book of Dragons.

Astrid clears her throat. "Hiccup," she whispers.

Hiccup jumps in his seat, and he quickly turns around to look at who startled him. He looks shocked to see Astrid standing there, but Astrid is only focused on just how completely exhausted he looks. He has major bags under his eyes, and the green color of his eyes is just so much duller than they normally are.

"Astrid?" he says, his voice at a low volume, placing a hand on his chest to feel his beating heart from being scared. "What are you doing here?"

Astrid sighs and tucks some of her bangs behind her ear. "I can't sleep," she replies. She glances at him up-and-down. "And it seems like you can't, either."

Hiccup shrugs before gesturing for Astrid to come into the tent. Astrid does so, taking a seat on his sleeping mat directly beside him. She sees now that he was looking through his journal, looking at all the drawings he had done over the years of Toothless and Stormfly and all the other dragons they have encountered. Though, before Astrid gets a chance to look at it too much, Hiccup closes the book.

Astrid brushes some of her long blonde hair off her shoulders. "How…how are you doing?" she asks him, looking fixedly at him. Hiccup has his face low, not eyeing her.

Hiccup shrugs again. "I'm fine," he says, though Astrid instantly knows it's a lie. He looks over at her, and then quickly looks away.

Astrid blinks. "Really?" she asks, not even trying to hide that she is not convinced by his answer.

Hiccup reaches up and scratches the back of his neck. "I mean, um…y-yeah." He clears his throat afterwards.

Astrid sighs. She slumps her shoulders. "You left so quickly after everything happened. I just wanted to make sure," she says softly.

Hiccup shrugs yet again. "Yeah…just…wanted to get some stuff sorted out by myself." He shrugs. His face turns bright red as he says this. If Astrid couldn't already tell that he was lying (which she definitely could because she can read Hiccup like a book), that would've been an instant red flag.

Astrid shakes her head. "You know, you're the worst liar," she says. She reaches over and places a gentle hand on his arm. She can feel him shaking slightly beneath her.

"_Seriously_. How are you doing? You know you can tell me anything." She moves even closer to him for extra emphasis. However, Hiccup doesn't answer right away like Astrid would've liked. He just continues to stare at the floor of his tent, as if finding that the most interesting thing in the whole entire world.

Astrid grips his arm a little tighter. "Hiccup, you don't have to pretend around me," she says quietly, as if there were other people in the tent who could hear them. "I know you feel like you have to around the village, but…you don't need to do that with me. Just tell me what you're feeling." She leans a little closer.

Hiccup sighs, and he closes his eyes, trying to find the right words to say. His list of issues is about two-hundred-thousand miles long, so he doesn't even know where to begin. He shakes his head and bites down on the inside of his bottom lip before clearing his throat.

"I just…I don't know what I'm doing," he says. He looks over at Astrid, but then looks away, staring at the ground. "Um…I…I'm just…" He shakes his head, not sure what to say. "I'm confused, I'm upset…I feel like the whole world is relying on me, and that everyone needs me, and…I have to basically restart the entire village over again, and at the same time grieve the loss of my best friend, and…"

"Hey," Astrid whispers, enveloping her arms around Hiccup. She brings him close to her, and she lays his head down on her shoulder, where Hiccup instantly buries his face in her neck. She holds him tight, running one hand through his messy auburn hair, her other hand running up and down his spine. "Hey, it's okay."

"It doesn't feel like it," Hiccup mumbles.

"I know it doesn't," Astrid replies. "It's a lot. You're dealing with a lot."

"But so is the entire village," Hiccup replies, pulling away from Astrid's embrace, looking into her tired blue eyes. "The entire village is going through a lot."

Astrid nods. "Yeah, and?"

Hiccup shrugs. "I feel like I'm being selfish."

Astrid shakes her head. "You're not. You're just trying not to deal with your problems by bottling it up." She pokes his chest. "Like you always do. And you _know_ it never works like that."

Hiccup shrugs again, looking back down at the ground. "I just…I'd _like_ to be able to deal with my problems properly, but…it's kind of hard to do that when the whole village is relying on me to tell them what to do."

Astrid nods. "I mean, no one ever said it was going to be easy."

"I know, but…" Hiccup sighs and closes his eyes again, trying to fight back the tears that are threatening to fall down. "…I just…I'd really not like to be chief right now, but…the entire village is dependent on me."

"Yes, they are."

"But I don't want them to be." He looks to the left. "Like…I don't know if I can do it."

"You _can_ do it, Hiccup," Astrid says, holding one of his hands in hers, intertwining their fingers. "You've done it for the past year, and you've done a good job."

"It doesn't feel like it," Hiccup mumbles.

Astrid rolls her eyes. "You always doubt yourself," she says. "Hiccup, you're an amazing leader. You've done such good things for this tribe, and for the dragons." Hiccup closes his eyes when Astrid says the word "dragons". "And it's going to be tough, and I know you don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. It's going to be hard to get back on our feet and get this village running. But, you have to know that you can't just hide away your feelings from me. That'll only make things worse."

Hiccup tightens his closed eyes.

Astrid shakes her head. "And you don't have to do your work alone, either," she says. "You know I'm here to help you lead. So is Gobber and Valka. Fishlegs, too. The twins and Snotlout on the rare occasion." She grins when she manages to get a snicker out of Hiccup. "You can't do it alone, Hiccup. You _haven't_ done it alone this entire year. It isn't going to change anytime soon. Now of all times, you need us. And we're here for you. You just have to ask."

She looks over him, up and down. He's opened his eyes, but there are tears forming. When Astrid sees this, she reaches over and, with her thumb, wipes away his tears.

"It's all going to be okay, babe," she tells him softly, now placing her hand on his cheek. "I promise."

Hiccup closes his eyes, and he reaches up a hand to place it over Astrid's. He lets out a shaky sigh. "I just…I miss him."

Astrid leans over and holds him tightly, wrapping her arms securely around his torso. Hiccup buries his face in her shoulder again, and Astrid feels the fabric of her nightdress become damp from the tears Hiccup hastily tries to blink away.

"It's okay," Astrid whispers in his ear. "It's okay." She rocks him gently back and forth. "It's okay, Hiccup. It's okay. They're safe now. They're safe. No one can hurt them now." Her heart clenches, thinking about how heart wrenchingly sad Hiccup sounded when he said those words. She knows exactly how he feels. She knows exactly what he's going through.

They've just given up their best friends in the entire world. They may never see them again; it's not safe for the Vikings to travel to the Hidden World, and it's not safe for the dragons to come out of the Hidden World. They're separated, possibly for good. In a split second, they were gone from their lives.

_It's all for their own good_, Astrid has to keep reminding herself. _It would be selfish to keep them here. They don't belong here. They belong with their own. Not with us. We only bring them more danger. They're safe in the Hidden World. _

Hiccup shakes his head. He sniffles and lifts his head from Astrid's shoulder the second Astrid's thoughts stop, almost as if he had heard what she was thinking. "Gods, it's been less than twelve hours, and I'm already having a mental breakdown over this."

Astrid smiles and cups Hiccup's cheek. "Well, it's better to have it sooner rather than later," she says, brushing Hiccup's bangs out of his eyes.

Hiccup chuckles slightly at that. He reaches over and places a hand on Astrid's knee. "Um…sorry."

Astrid shakes her head. "Hiccup, you have nothing to be sorry for. It's okay that you're feeling this way about all of it," she replies.

Hiccup nods. "It's just…hard."

"It is," Astrid agrees. "And we're going to need to take our time to adjust and to grieve, and that's okay." She smiles. "Just make sure to tell me whenever you're feeling like this, yeah?"

Hiccup nods again. "Yeah," he responds. He clears his throat. "Thank you, Astrid."

Astrid smiles and presses a kiss to his cheek. "There's no need to thank me." She places her hand over Hiccup's on her knee. "I'm here for you. I know what you're going through, so you can always tell me anything."

Hiccup leans over and kisses Astrid's lips shortly and softly. Astrid smiles at him when he pulls away to look at her.

"How are you doing with all of it?" Hiccup asks, squeezing Astrid's knee.

Astrid sighs and shrugs. "I miss her a lot," she tells him, her heart clenching again. "But…I have to keep reminding myself that she and the rest of the dragons are safe now." She shrugs. "It's going to take a long time to heal."

"It is," Hiccup agrees. He brushes some of Astrid's bangs behind her ear, as if to say, _but we can do it together_.

Astrid smiles at him. "Okay, enough of this; you, Mr. Chief, need to get some sleep. You look like you haven't slept in ten years."

"Oh, don't make this about me, Miss Hofferson," Hiccup replies. He pokes her nose. "_You_, my dear, need to sleep, too." Astrid scrunches up her nose at him. Hiccup grins and kisses her nose. "Are you going back to your tent?"

Astrid glances at the entrance to Hiccup's tent. She knows it would be smart for her to go back, but the thought of falling asleep alone definitely doesn't sound appealing right now. She looks over at Hiccup, her eyes saying, _do I have to go back_?

Hiccup kisses her forehead. "You know you'll have to sneak out before dawn to avoid anyone saying anything."

Astrid nods. "It'll be fine," she says, lying down on the left side of Hiccup's cot. She finds herself briefly thinking about how much easier it would be if she and Hiccup were…

No, now is not the time to be thinking about that. The time will come when the time will come, and for right now, she and Hiccup don't need to add that onto the pile of things they already need to do. Plus, just a few days ago, she told Hiccup she doesn't think they're ready.

And then of course, the certain events of today (or, probably yesterday by now, since it's probably after midnight), she…she's beginning to reconsider her position on the matter.

But, she doesn't need to deal with that for now. For now, they need to deal with grieving and with rebuilding the village. Those are the priorities for now.

Hiccup reaches over to his candle, and he blows it out, leaving the tent in darkness. "Are you sure?" Hiccup asks, lying down beside her.

"Do you not _want_ me to sleep here?" Astrid questions jokingly.

Hiccup's face turns bright red. "Uh, I didn't…I didn't say that, I, uh-"

Astrid laughs and places her pointer finger over Hiccup's lips, keeping him from continuing to speak. "Gods, Hiccup, I was joking," she says, shaking her head as she removes her finger.

Hiccup shakes his head and pulls his furs around him and Astrid. "You're amazing."

"And you're tired, so go to sleep," Astrid says, resting her head on his chest. "And if you're up at dawn, make sure to wake me up so I can go back to my tent." She lets out a yawn after.

"Of course," he says, kissing her forehead before settling down on his cot. "Goodnight, Ast."

"Goodnight, Hiccup."

And the two, within a matter of minutes, managed to fall asleep. Yes, their dreams were filled with their dragons and with memories of the events of what happened just a few hours ago, but they knew that in the morning, they would have each other to aid in their recovery from this major change in their life.

And that's all that really mattered.


End file.
